So, today is the last day of August. Tomorrow is September 1. Five years ago I would have said September was my favorite month. Now it's just a bitter sweet month that I dread as well as look forward to.
The sweet part of September is that both mine and my mother's birthdays are in September. It's the beginning of fall which is my favorite season. When I was in school I enjoyed returning to school for the new year.
The bitter part is that my sister Tayna's birthday was September 1, and the anniversary of her death is September 6. It has been four years since her accident yet most days it seems like yesterday that she was taken from us. She was my best friend. We did almost everything together once I became an adult. She was 9 years older than me, so as a child she was always a mother figure to me. I still remember the french fries she would make for me. She would cut them into the shape of a smiley face.
I remember the first time I saw Michael Jackson's Thriller. I used to sleep with my mom and my sister said she would flush the toilet to let me know it was on so I could sneak out of the bed since my mom didn't want me to watch it LOL My sister was a HUGE Michael Jackson fan, which in turn made me one as well.
Though I know her memory lives on through her two children as well as in my spirit, I still feel cheated. I feel let down. My life has been forever changed and not for the better. Yes, her death has made me a nicer person, a more understanding and patient person. But is has also made me a sheltered person. I shelter my feelings because I still don't know how to process it. This may sound crazy because it's four years later, but I am still processing losing my sister. Is this something you ever get over? I don't think it is.
Tomorrow September 1, 2010 would have been her 40th birthday. If she were still here we would be partying like it was 1999. Instead all I can do is remember the birthdays I did get to share with her and hope that one day our paths will cross again.
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ReplyDeleteHey lady, you see those memories you just shared with us? Thats your sister she lives with you and through you. Yes it's hard when you lose someone but let me tell you a little parable:
ReplyDeleteOne day there was a little boy sitting on his porch. A man came by the house with a nice shiny red bike. I mean the bike was beautiful. He asked the little boy if he liked the bike and of course the little boy said yes! The man told him he could borrow the bike as long as he took care of it. The little boy was so happy an excited. So he road the bike up and down the street. Everyone loved him and his bike. So one day the man returned and asked the little boy if he enjoyed the bike. The little boy said yes that he loved it. The man told him ok it is now time for me to take the bike back. Of course the little boy was soo sad and upset. He asked the man why and the man replied "God Likes Nice Things Too".
You will be in my prayers lady, I pray that you have peace this month and are only consumed with happy thoughts and memories of your sister. Stay blessed
I hope you had fun for your birthday lady. Stop by The Isis Collections for your blogger award!
ReplyDeletehttp://theisiscollectionsblog.blogspot.com