I AM NOT MY HAIR

I was 22 years old before I knew what my natural hair looked like. Yes, you read that right. 22 years of going through life and not knowing what my REAL hair texture felt and looked like. At the age of 5 I started getting... Jerri Curls... LOL yes you read right. I am a child of the 80's and myself, my sisters and brother, as well as my dad all wore CURLS!!! I remember getting a fresh curl and having to carry my activator spray to school for the first few days because I had to keep it moist or it would look like a dry brillo pad... Don't laugh, my family is not the only one that shared in the joy of the greasy gunk!
At the age of 11 I told my mother I could not take the curl any longer and started to grow it out. In the process of growing it out I started rocking the press and curl. Once we thought it was safe, I applied my very first perm, or creamy crack, as some of us Naturals call it! I never knew why I was putting myself through the torture every 5-6 weeks of burned scalp, fried hair, and the smell always made me sick to my stomach, but I was told by my mother that all Black girls must have a perm or something to take the NAPS away. So I continued to relax my hair through my teen years because I never saw any different. I grew up in the Quad Cities and if anyone has ever been there, you know it's not fun being the one to stand out so everyone goes with the flow.
People that I did see with natural hair either had locks, which I never considered for myself, or their hair looked a very dry hot mess, further embedding in my mind that Black women needed a perm.
It wasn't until I went away to college (the first time) and had the experience of being around different types of Black people. I saw Black girls rocking all types of naturals from fros to twist outs to locks. I thought their hair was so beautiful but was still afraid to take the plunge and wean myself off of the creamy crack.
When I moved to Chicago at the age of 20 I saw even more natural haired ladies, and at this point the perm had thinned my hair so much that it was breaking and I was so sick of it. One day at the age of 22 I came home from work and just cut it all off. I then went to the barber shop to get lined up (yes it was that short). I wore my hair in a TWA (teeny weeny afro) for close to a year before I let it grow out. Once it started to grow is where things got difficult. I had no clue what to do with it, and at that time I didn't know of any websites that would help me since the internet was nothing like it is today. There were no Youtube tutorials or hair blogs. I mainly wore my fro pulled back with a scarf. When I wanted to switch it up I would wear a wig. I wore my hair like this for about 3 years when I had finally given up because I was just sick of not knowing what to do, I went back to relaxing my hair because of course I knew how to style my hair when it was silky straight since that was what I was used to.
When I decided to perm my hair again after 3 years my family and some friends were so happy. During my natural time I took so much flack from family and close friends. "Why are you wearing your hair like that" "Don't you know Black girls need perms?" "Why don't you do something with your head" all of these were words I heard from people very close to me. It was hurtful but I have never been one to let the words of others dictate what I did.
Let me tell you, I really regretted relaxing my hair, I wished that I had tried harder to learn how to care for and style my hair in it's natural state. After almost 3 years of relaxing, I finally said enough is enough and I went ahead and grew my perm out. I have been natural this time for about a year and a half, I haven't permed my hair in over two years. I LOVE my hair in it's natural state, it's so beautiful and soft.
Yes, I do get the same comments from friends and family, mainly my mother, but I just shrug them off. Why is it that no one wonders why White, Mexican, Asian or Indian women wear their hair in it's natural state. It's never even a thought. But when a Black woman decides to do it, everyone wants to know why. "Oh she must be into the Neo Soul movement" oh she is "going through a phase". Why can't I just wear my hair the way it grows out of my head and people accept it for what it is? I am the same person I was when I permed my hair, I have the same thoughts. I still love the same, I still act the same.
When women ask me how it was to go natural it is very sad to me. I always tell them that there is nothing wrong with wearing your hair natural but you have to become thick skinned because there will be HATERS which is very very very sad. If Black society was more accepting of natural hair then I know the amount of women wearing their hair natural would triple. I hear women say that they WISH they could go natural.... HMMMMM
This time around I have learned how to style my hair, I know how to care for it and how to switch up the styles so I don't get bored. It does take work, contrary to what some people think, in my opinion it's more work than perming but it's all me and I like it!
I'm not saying there is anything wrong with wearing a relaxer. What I do find concerning are the women that think they HAVE to wear a relaxer or use some tool to keep their hair straight. Those are the women that concern me. The women that put perms into their child's hair as early as 3 and 4 years old because they do not want to deal with the NAPS. I find it very scary. I myself will not put any chemical in my daughter's hair. I will let her make that decision for herself when she is old enough. She will have the choice that I did not have.