So, I met my husband a few weeks shy of my 18th birthday on the campus of SIUC. He graduated from high school with my roommate, and they were good friends. One day I walk into my dorm room and there he was sitting in MY desk chair leaned back smoking bidi (an Indian cigarette). My first thought was, who is this dude sitting in MY chair and on top of that SMOKING in my room? My second thought was, he's kind of cute and definitely my type (dark skinned, basketball player frame, with a nice smile). After a couple of weeks we started hanging out together, and the rest is history!
Next month will make 13 years that we have been dating each other. It's still hard to believe that I found my soul mate at the tender age of 17 and 3/4 :). Over the past 13 years we have had our ups and downs, we even called it quits for about 2 1/2 years. But through everything he has remained my best friend. The one that I can run to with anything and the only person that makes me feel truly safe and understood. Even those couple of years we were broken up and living in different cities our friendship remained.
After about 10 years of dating guess what happens? HE KNOCKED ME UP!!! This was totally unexpected, not that I don't know how babies are made but I still didn't understand how I got pregnant LOL All I can say is the man must have some slow moving sperm!!! Which is ok with me because having a baby in my early twenties would have been, ummm not such a good thing.
Marriage was not really in our plan but once we became pregnant we decided that it was the best thing to do since one- we had not intentions on breaking up, and two- we wanted our baby to grow up in a family with everyone having the same last name. So on May 5, 2007 at eight months pregnant we jumped the broom! Or more like I wobbled to the court house and we said "I Do".
I can honestly say that being married has opened my eyes to a whole new world. It's very hard to explain but I look at things differently. I am a lot more protective of my relationship, I try a lot harder to understand his point of view, I enjoy taking care of him, even the sex is better as a married couple :) I have no regrets and can't even imagine not being his wife.
The road that Marvin and I have traveled has not been an easy one. Since we started out so young, at a time when we did not know ourselves very well, we made a few mistakes early on. We have helped each other through family crisis, including the death of his mother, the death of my sister, as well as my grandmother. These are things that rocks a person to their core, but together we made it through. When one person wasn't strong enough, the other one became stronger.
I could not imagine going through my life without my husband. I couldn't imagine having any one else be my "baby's daddy" LOL and I could not imagine loving anyone else with this much intensity and passion. He is my rock, my lover, my best friend and I love being the Mrs. in Mr and Mrs Harvey.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
I AM NOT MY HAIR
I was 22 years old before I knew what my natural hair looked like. Yes, you read that right. 22 years of going through life and not knowing what my REAL hair texture felt and looked like. At the age of 5 I started getting... Jerri Curls... LOL yes you read right. I am a child of the 80's and myself, my sisters and brother, as well as my dad all wore CURLS!!! I remember getting a fresh curl and having to carry my activator spray to school for the first few days because I had to keep it moist or it would look like a dry brillo pad... Don't laugh, my family is not the only one that shared in the joy of the greasy gunk!
At the age of 11 I told my mother I could not take the curl any longer and started to grow it out. In the process of growing it out I started rocking the press and curl. Once we thought it was safe, I applied my very first perm, or creamy crack, as some of us Naturals call it! I never knew why I was putting myself through the torture every 5-6 weeks of burned scalp, fried hair, and the smell always made me sick to my stomach, but I was told by my mother that all Black girls must have a perm or something to take the NAPS away. So I continued to relax my hair through my teen years because I never saw any different. I grew up in the Quad Cities and if anyone has ever been there, you know it's not fun being the one to stand out so everyone goes with the flow.
People that I did see with natural hair either had locks, which I never considered for myself, or their hair looked a very dry hot mess, further embedding in my mind that Black women needed a perm.
It wasn't until I went away to college (the first time) and had the experience of being around different types of Black people. I saw Black girls rocking all types of naturals from fros to twist outs to locks. I thought their hair was so beautiful but was still afraid to take the plunge and wean myself off of the creamy crack.
When I moved to Chicago at the age of 20 I saw even more natural haired ladies, and at this point the perm had thinned my hair so much that it was breaking and I was so sick of it. One day at the age of 22 I came home from work and just cut it all off. I then went to the barber shop to get lined up (yes it was that short). I wore my hair in a TWA (teeny weeny afro) for close to a year before I let it grow out. Once it started to grow is where things got difficult. I had no clue what to do with it, and at that time I didn't know of any websites that would help me since the internet was nothing like it is today. There were no Youtube tutorials or hair blogs. I mainly wore my fro pulled back with a scarf. When I wanted to switch it up I would wear a wig. I wore my hair like this for about 3 years when I had finally given up because I was just sick of not knowing what to do, I went back to relaxing my hair because of course I knew how to style my hair when it was silky straight since that was what I was used to.
When I decided to perm my hair again after 3 years my family and some friends were so happy. During my natural time I took so much flack from family and close friends. "Why are you wearing your hair like that" "Don't you know Black girls need perms?" "Why don't you do something with your head" all of these were words I heard from people very close to me. It was hurtful but I have never been one to let the words of others dictate what I did.
Let me tell you, I really regretted relaxing my hair, I wished that I had tried harder to learn how to care for and style my hair in it's natural state. After almost 3 years of relaxing, I finally said enough is enough and I went ahead and grew my perm out. I have been natural this time for about a year and a half, I haven't permed my hair in over two years. I LOVE my hair in it's natural state, it's so beautiful and soft.
Yes, I do get the same comments from friends and family, mainly my mother, but I just shrug them off. Why is it that no one wonders why White, Mexican, Asian or Indian women wear their hair in it's natural state. It's never even a thought. But when a Black woman decides to do it, everyone wants to know why. "Oh she must be into the Neo Soul movement" oh she is "going through a phase". Why can't I just wear my hair the way it grows out of my head and people accept it for what it is? I am the same person I was when I permed my hair, I have the same thoughts. I still love the same, I still act the same.
When women ask me how it was to go natural it is very sad to me. I always tell them that there is nothing wrong with wearing your hair natural but you have to become thick skinned because there will be HATERS which is very very very sad. If Black society was more accepting of natural hair then I know the amount of women wearing their hair natural would triple. I hear women say that they WISH they could go natural.... HMMMMM
This time around I have learned how to style my hair, I know how to care for it and how to switch up the styles so I don't get bored. It does take work, contrary to what some people think, in my opinion it's more work than perming but it's all me and I like it!
I'm not saying there is anything wrong with wearing a relaxer. What I do find concerning are the women that think they HAVE to wear a relaxer or use some tool to keep their hair straight. Those are the women that concern me. The women that put perms into their child's hair as early as 3 and 4 years old because they do not want to deal with the NAPS. I find it very scary. I myself will not put any chemical in my daughter's hair. I will let her make that decision for herself when she is old enough. She will have the choice that I did not have.
At the age of 11 I told my mother I could not take the curl any longer and started to grow it out. In the process of growing it out I started rocking the press and curl. Once we thought it was safe, I applied my very first perm, or creamy crack, as some of us Naturals call it! I never knew why I was putting myself through the torture every 5-6 weeks of burned scalp, fried hair, and the smell always made me sick to my stomach, but I was told by my mother that all Black girls must have a perm or something to take the NAPS away. So I continued to relax my hair through my teen years because I never saw any different. I grew up in the Quad Cities and if anyone has ever been there, you know it's not fun being the one to stand out so everyone goes with the flow.
People that I did see with natural hair either had locks, which I never considered for myself, or their hair looked a very dry hot mess, further embedding in my mind that Black women needed a perm.
It wasn't until I went away to college (the first time) and had the experience of being around different types of Black people. I saw Black girls rocking all types of naturals from fros to twist outs to locks. I thought their hair was so beautiful but was still afraid to take the plunge and wean myself off of the creamy crack.
When I moved to Chicago at the age of 20 I saw even more natural haired ladies, and at this point the perm had thinned my hair so much that it was breaking and I was so sick of it. One day at the age of 22 I came home from work and just cut it all off. I then went to the barber shop to get lined up (yes it was that short). I wore my hair in a TWA (teeny weeny afro) for close to a year before I let it grow out. Once it started to grow is where things got difficult. I had no clue what to do with it, and at that time I didn't know of any websites that would help me since the internet was nothing like it is today. There were no Youtube tutorials or hair blogs. I mainly wore my fro pulled back with a scarf. When I wanted to switch it up I would wear a wig. I wore my hair like this for about 3 years when I had finally given up because I was just sick of not knowing what to do, I went back to relaxing my hair because of course I knew how to style my hair when it was silky straight since that was what I was used to.
When I decided to perm my hair again after 3 years my family and some friends were so happy. During my natural time I took so much flack from family and close friends. "Why are you wearing your hair like that" "Don't you know Black girls need perms?" "Why don't you do something with your head" all of these were words I heard from people very close to me. It was hurtful but I have never been one to let the words of others dictate what I did.
Let me tell you, I really regretted relaxing my hair, I wished that I had tried harder to learn how to care for and style my hair in it's natural state. After almost 3 years of relaxing, I finally said enough is enough and I went ahead and grew my perm out. I have been natural this time for about a year and a half, I haven't permed my hair in over two years. I LOVE my hair in it's natural state, it's so beautiful and soft.
Yes, I do get the same comments from friends and family, mainly my mother, but I just shrug them off. Why is it that no one wonders why White, Mexican, Asian or Indian women wear their hair in it's natural state. It's never even a thought. But when a Black woman decides to do it, everyone wants to know why. "Oh she must be into the Neo Soul movement" oh she is "going through a phase". Why can't I just wear my hair the way it grows out of my head and people accept it for what it is? I am the same person I was when I permed my hair, I have the same thoughts. I still love the same, I still act the same.
When women ask me how it was to go natural it is very sad to me. I always tell them that there is nothing wrong with wearing your hair natural but you have to become thick skinned because there will be HATERS which is very very very sad. If Black society was more accepting of natural hair then I know the amount of women wearing their hair natural would triple. I hear women say that they WISH they could go natural.... HMMMMM
This time around I have learned how to style my hair, I know how to care for it and how to switch up the styles so I don't get bored. It does take work, contrary to what some people think, in my opinion it's more work than perming but it's all me and I like it!
I'm not saying there is anything wrong with wearing a relaxer. What I do find concerning are the women that think they HAVE to wear a relaxer or use some tool to keep their hair straight. Those are the women that concern me. The women that put perms into their child's hair as early as 3 and 4 years old because they do not want to deal with the NAPS. I find it very scary. I myself will not put any chemical in my daughter's hair. I will let her make that decision for herself when she is old enough. She will have the choice that I did not have.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
TANYA'S MOMMY
"MOMMY" Oh my God, is this my new name? Really? My three year old is constantly calling me, and not in a regular voice but in a high pitched very loud (who knew a three year old could talk so loud) voice M-O-M-M-Y... My response is always, "yes" but what I'm really thinking is "who told you that I was your mommy?" LOL
When I drop her off at daycare it's "Goodmorning Tanya's Mommy" or "See you tomorrow Tanya's Mommy" when I pick her up. At home my husband says "go tell mommy" "where is mommy" HELLO I do have a name or did everyone forget???
Now if that's not bad enough, my own family and friends get me mixed up. They'll say "Tanya oops I mean Meka" OMG really??? So I guess from now on I'll be known as Tanya's Mommy LOL
Now that I got all of that off my chest let me say I love being a mom. I mean LOVE being a mom. Motherhood is the best thing that could have happened to me. It has given me the motivation to reach my goals so that one day I can say to my daughter to never give up on her dreams.
Before becoming MOMMY my life had been stagnant. I wasn't pursuing any of the goals I had for myself. I let everyday life take away my motivation. Having my daughter made me realize that I not only need to get things back on track for myself but also for her. I cringed at the thought of telling my daughter she had to go to college when I myself had dropped out TWICE, I could just see her at 17 years old saying "if you didn't why should I?" and me saying "Because I said so" (wincing at those words)
So I went back to school, not only did I finish but I finished Cum Laude!!! I was determined. Now I have positioned myself and my family in a much better position to live comfortably and not have the stresses of money that I had growing up.
So I guess being TANYA'S MOMMY isn't all that bad :) I'll keep the title...
When I drop her off at daycare it's "Goodmorning Tanya's Mommy" or "See you tomorrow Tanya's Mommy" when I pick her up. At home my husband says "go tell mommy" "where is mommy" HELLO I do have a name or did everyone forget???
Now if that's not bad enough, my own family and friends get me mixed up. They'll say "Tanya oops I mean Meka" OMG really??? So I guess from now on I'll be known as Tanya's Mommy LOL
Now that I got all of that off my chest let me say I love being a mom. I mean LOVE being a mom. Motherhood is the best thing that could have happened to me. It has given me the motivation to reach my goals so that one day I can say to my daughter to never give up on her dreams.
Before becoming MOMMY my life had been stagnant. I wasn't pursuing any of the goals I had for myself. I let everyday life take away my motivation. Having my daughter made me realize that I not only need to get things back on track for myself but also for her. I cringed at the thought of telling my daughter she had to go to college when I myself had dropped out TWICE, I could just see her at 17 years old saying "if you didn't why should I?" and me saying "Because I said so" (wincing at those words)
So I went back to school, not only did I finish but I finished Cum Laude!!! I was determined. Now I have positioned myself and my family in a much better position to live comfortably and not have the stresses of money that I had growing up.
So I guess being TANYA'S MOMMY isn't all that bad :) I'll keep the title...
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Giving back
I would like to give a shout out to the lovely ladies of Cocoa Butterflies for showing up and donating so many beautiful items that will help out many women in homeless shelters. I hosted the meet-up at my home, the original idea was to do a social meet-up for the ladies to exchange accessories, as they say one man's trash is another man's treasure. But the idea grew into a community service project, which is what Cocoa Butterflies is all about.
Each person in attendance donated purses, necklaces, bracelets, and other small trinkets that would make a woman feel beautiful. Some of the items were claimed by fellow members, but the vast majority of the items will be donated to a local women's shelter.
It's always great to get together with other like minded women and enjoy each others company with food, wine, and good conversation, all while trying to make a difference in the lives of others.
Each person in attendance donated purses, necklaces, bracelets, and other small trinkets that would make a woman feel beautiful. Some of the items were claimed by fellow members, but the vast majority of the items will be donated to a local women's shelter.
It's always great to get together with other like minded women and enjoy each others company with food, wine, and good conversation, all while trying to make a difference in the lives of others.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Welcome to" The NaTuRal Mommy"
I am a 30 year old wife and mother. My husband is 31 and my daughter is 3. My husband and I have been together for 13 years and married for 3. Let me tell you right off, being married is a whole new ball game!!!
I wanted to create a blog to chronicle my life as a black, natural hair wearing woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, and so much more... This is not just a blog about being a mother, but more about being a Black woman living on the south side of Chicago and trying to survive in a world that is full of adventures, interesting people, and lots of things that make you say hmmm...
I do not intend for only Black women to relate to this blog, it is my goal to entertain and enlighten women of all races and ethnicity. Sit back and relax while I take you on my life's journey!
I wanted to create a blog to chronicle my life as a black, natural hair wearing woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, and so much more... This is not just a blog about being a mother, but more about being a Black woman living on the south side of Chicago and trying to survive in a world that is full of adventures, interesting people, and lots of things that make you say hmmm...
I do not intend for only Black women to relate to this blog, it is my goal to entertain and enlighten women of all races and ethnicity. Sit back and relax while I take you on my life's journey!
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